I will be 45. In very few days. I left IP early enough last year that I can already start to contemplate the anniversary of my release. I can't see the forest yet.
I ache. My bones can't rest atop or against each other when I sleep without hurting. There's a different heaviness. My body is a burden upon itself.
I have held on to ten of the pounds I gained from an aggressive refeeding that lasted almost six weeks, and twelve pounds on a good day, which feels like a terrible day.
I was 5'8 and 88 lbs., psychotic and collapsing. My own pdoc and the one from IP treated me as if I walked that liminal line between life and death, probably because I did. State insurance paid because I also have bipolar, OCD, anxiety and PTSD.
AN is not enough, I guess. It's not serious. It's a lifestyle for the young and frivolous, a malady of the runway. The harm and death it brings on are made of paper and smoke, which is OK, I suppose, since I felt like I was made of those things. I spent five days in the medical ward before transferring to the acute IP. No one else would take me. I was a liability to everyone.
I ache. My bones can't rest atop or against each other when I sleep without hurting. There's a different heaviness. My body is a burden upon itself.
I have held on to ten of the pounds I gained from an aggressive refeeding that lasted almost six weeks, and twelve pounds on a good day, which feels like a terrible day.
I was 5'8 and 88 lbs., psychotic and collapsing. My own pdoc and the one from IP treated me as if I walked that liminal line between life and death, probably because I did. State insurance paid because I also have bipolar, OCD, anxiety and PTSD.
AN is not enough, I guess. It's not serious. It's a lifestyle for the young and frivolous, a malady of the runway. The harm and death it brings on are made of paper and smoke, which is OK, I suppose, since I felt like I was made of those things. I spent five days in the medical ward before transferring to the acute IP. No one else would take me. I was a liability to everyone.
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