I am a complex willow of a woman. There are many things that I do, multiple interests, passions and illnesses I have. They are branches extending from the core I view as I.
I have chosen, today, to become a public blogger, and to devote my blog to this disease.
It wouldn't be the first time I "devoted myself to Ana."
I am not pro-ana, I am pro-support. We've heard it a million times in the anasphere. We don't believe it, except when we say it to those without the affliction, to defend our communities and convinceourselves them, that we don't want this.
It's complex. We don't want this. We want to hold on to this because we need to.
We defend our disease, cover its tracks, put its needs before our own, erase it with recovery gestures again and again.
Do I believe real recovery is possible at my age?
Yes. I believe I, we, can live in recovery or be recovered...and leave the old hag behind.
I have chosen, today, to become a public blogger, and to devote my blog to this disease.
It wouldn't be the first time I "devoted myself to Ana."
I am not pro-ana, I am pro-support. We've heard it a million times in the anasphere. We don't believe it, except when we say it to those without the affliction, to defend our communities and convince
It's complex. We don't want this. We want to hold on to this because we need to.
We defend our disease, cover its tracks, put its needs before our own, erase it with recovery gestures again and again.
Do I believe real recovery is possible at my age?
Yes. I believe I, we, can live in recovery or be recovered...and leave the old hag behind.
Perhaps Ana, among all those other things, because that's where the doubts live.
ReplyDeleteAT
Yay! Somebody commented! W00! As Marianne Kirby once said: Additional levels of *Woo!*
DeleteHey - maybe so. :)